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[10 Dec 2004|07:25pm] |
New Livejournal
__K0nstantine_
Friends only ..I've added most of you.
So add me back.
If I havent then comment.
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[03 Dec 2004|01:23pm] |
Court on the 20th.
Have become a live in babysitter.
I fucking hate my mother.
Jaclyn im starting to wonder if you're dead love.
Im sorry. I really miss you.
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[28 Nov 2004|02:39pm] |
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music |
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SoCo_Me and the moon |
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Ya know fuck life and fuck my parents.
Fuck any of you who try and pretend you care.
Fuck exboyfriends and one nigh fucking stands.
Fuck Jesse. (well I would) Fuck Matt. Fuck Lee. Fuck Joey.
Fuck summer memories that I wish I could relive.
Fuck this stupid cold and loney winter.
Fuck watching myself cry.
Fuck Ashley Fearon and her fucking mom.
Fuck this goddamn situation and this court thing.
Fuck the fucking school system and everyone who talks shit. (believe what you want I honestly dont care)
Fuck going to bed early on weekends alone.
Fuck the drugs that made me good enough.
Fuck the father and his whole fucking family who walked out on me.
Fuck the step dad who hates me b/c Im not his.
Fuck the mom who does nothing to support me and makes things harder at best.
FUCK the person who once told me I bring this on myself.
Fuck first loves and the shitty ass people they turn out to really be.
Fuck the poeple who dith you in the times you need them the most.
Fuck the great job in florida.
Fuck all of it.
Fuck you.
There are so many reasons to give this up.
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[27 Nov 2004|10:55am] |
Im eating chocolate pudding for breakfast. Fat ass.
Megan: I carry food around in my pockets at school
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
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[26 Nov 2004|09:17pm] |
And its rather disgusting how much you changed.
Im doing this all to forget you.
Splur your name.
Erase your face.
You'll be gone by the time this is over.
I dont mean to hate you, but can we really make it any other way?
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[22 Nov 2004|06:15pm] |
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more than half the time im questioning why Im still here.
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[18 Nov 2004|03:40pm] |
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Well it wasnt anything like I thought it would be. I was in and out of there within 50 seconds. I have a pre-trial in 4 weeks. And then I have to wait to get my real one. So this isnt going to end anytime soon...
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[07 Nov 2004|07:39pm] |
Gave you a ride to the high school so you could skate.
And it felt like old times.
Except...
You couldnt even look at me.
And you wouldnt dare come back and talk to me when I got home.
"Not to night. I dont feel like it. Bye."
Rejected but it wasnt really me on the phone it was amanda.
Glad I didnt personally have to hear your decline.
Should just give it up I suppose.
B/c you say apologies arent going to get you to go back out with me.
And I say thats not what I want..
but.. yeah... actually it is.. but it isnt.
I dont expect it. I want it.
And Im stupid and pathetic sitting by the window.
I hate that you live right across the street on weekends. (thats not entirely true..)
You're saying I had my chance and blew it.
But with you it was always sorry. sorry. sorry.
And you blew it more times than I can count.
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[31 Oct 2004|03:45pm] |
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music |
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Matchbook Romance |
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If I could I'd become such an alcoholic.
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[30 Oct 2004|03:13pm] |
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mood |
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 pissed off |
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A7x_Chapter four |
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"Miranda is charged with the violation of Brown Middle school's Student Code of Conduct, Board of Education policy, and the Ohio Revised Code. The offense was Chemical Abuse:that is, possession, use, sale/offer to sell, distribution of whileon school property or at school activites.
Based upon the information at the hearing it is my decision to expel Miranda for a period of 53 days. Miranda can return to school January 18, 2005.Please utilize the following list of public and private agencies that can provide additional counseling and/or to address the behavior that may have contributed to her expulsion.
Between crying Im ready to burn down the fucking school
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[28 Oct 2004|04:53pm] |
Ravenna Police Department
9156
Juvenile
10 28 04
held agenst my chest. Police photos taken in my sundays best,
as white sparkled nails were dipped in black and pressed on paper.
Had to sign my name in the box indicated, Criminal's signature.
I felt like laughing my ass off at how ridiculous it all was.
They charged me with a Felony 1 (worse b/c I was at school)
Which is the same charge murders get.
I could get off with the same punishment if I took a baseball bat to her.
And they keep talking to me like they want a confession _
For me to tell them, yeah its all my fault. Which is useless.
Because I have nothing to hide.
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[27 Oct 2004|05:53pm] |
So it just keeps getting worse.
My mom came home sobbing and told me..
The LEAST I could get in JDC.
The worst would be Juv. prison in columbus.
Pretty fucking messed up huh?
And Im only at home right now b/c of who my dad is.
And my lawyer, who by asking me if my dad was home, made the conclusion that I dont care whats going to happen to me.(yeah wtf)and told my parents its pretty much a done deal. That im going to JDC and thats it.
So grand lets give up on me and let me sit in a cell for something I didnt do.
Fucking town jailing innocense.
What the hell am i going to do....
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| Im not o-fucking-kay |
[27 Oct 2004|03:34pm] |
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mood |
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 restless |
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music |
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MCR_Im not okay (I promise) |
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I dont know what to do.. I simply dont. More crying tomorrow. Yeah I bet Im gonna be expelled. Unless Lauren Flarida has went home and said some nice things about me to her mom. It's not fair. Its not fucking fair.I cant sleep, and the whole day I've felt sick so the point where I felt like I could throw up everything inside me.And god its complete helplessness. I can't do anything. But thats the least of my problems. Craig Stephens called today. And Im having charges pressed agenst me. And tomorrow I get finger printed and everything. And damnit ... exsept for skipping class with Mackenzie and running away once. I've never been in trouble. No phone call home .. no detentions.. I've never even been sent in the fucking hall way! My court hearing is November 18. They act like I fucking shot someone or that I was selling kocaine, not that I made a stupid mistake by not taking my medicine in the morning.I could be sitting in the WCF until Im 21. Twenty god damn one. And my moms side of the family woulnt leave me alone. I dont want to bring up.. and I dont want to talk about, and I dont want them to keep asking if Im okay, because Im not. Its so fucking hard. So fucking hard to not start sobbing at the mention of sitting in a jail cell. Its not like I wanted this to happen. Its not like I shoved it down laurens throat and made her get sick like that.. I just dont know what to do. But theres no way in hell Im sitting in JDC for something thats not my fault. No fucking way. I'd rather shoot myself.
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| Secrets dont make friends |
[26 Oct 2004|03:47pm] |
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mood |
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 flirty |
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music |
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Matchbook Romance |
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Lee and Joey.. I hate you both. Just so you know.
Cant blame a girl for saying no to you
and then saying yes to Jesse with no hesitation.
(considering the fact he's gorgeous)
And you're both fucking jelous b/c of it and we all know it.
So stop telling Scott lies.
*
Expolsion hearing tomorrow.
Please please please dont expell me.
Cuz then I cant go see Hawthorne Heights Thursday night with Brenden.
And I'll be grounded those 80 days Im expelled.
:sniff:sniff: That would so suck. And I bet you all are missing me sooo much.
Sike.
*
Im getting really bored at home.
Caught myself singing " lean back"
after way too many hours of MTV.
(so shoot me)
*
Fuckkkkk too bad hes going out with someone.
Hes so cute.
I'd do him.
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| Fuck Ravenna |
[23 Oct 2004|01:54pm] |
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mood |
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lonely |
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music |
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A7X_ Second Heartbeat |
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I dont think Patrick could be anymore big of a prick through this. Yesterday he told my mom I was smoking in my room. Uhm hello Im not that fucking stupid to smoke in an enclosed area such as my bedroom. So now I have to share a room with chase upstairs. And no phone, computer (I manage..), going out, and one hour of TV. At least they didnt take my radio. So yeah now Im sleeping in my brothers room. Great for my emotional state since I have no privacy.
Heard Luaren is back at school. Im glad. I have nothing agenst the girl. We're friends. Well were. Dont know about now. But still. I dont know whats gonna happen from here. I havent had my expolsion hearing yet, and after we got a lawyer the police stopped wanting to question us and things have pretty much died down. Other than my parents being incredibly mean and not support through this whole thing.. Im doing okay. All cryed out. UGH I dont understand why all this shit has to happen to me. I cant do anything fuckin right it seems.
I really really miss Jeese. I surely wouldnt mind his company right about now :sigh: Blah it seems I like everyone at the moment. Guess its only b/c .. yes I admitt.. I want some uh good attention. Jesus Im pathetic.
Shana Im going to kick your ass.
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[21 Oct 2004|07:13pm] |
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I didnt put a fucking gun to her head and tell her to take it. I didnt even fucking give it to her. And shes fucking fine. She people need to stop talking shit about me when they have no fucking clue what happened and what Im going through and how Im being blamed for something I didnt do. Which is why I've hired a lawyer to help me through this ordeal.. and hopefully things are going to be okay.. cuz I DIDNT DO ANYTHING
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[17 Oct 2004|03:02pm] |
I'm pouring myself some whiskey
I'm going to get really fucking drunk
Im pouring myself some whiskey right now
Im going to get so,so drunk
That I pass out, forget your face
..by the time I wake up..
♥
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[15 Oct 2004|06:30pm] |
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mood |
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 cold |
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The Used_ Hard to say |
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ha we sat uptown and froze our asses off .. but it was fun. blah i look like shit. Might go to the game.
But its fucking cold. And I only went to games for certain reasons. I dont like him anymore. Well I do. But whats the point in liking someone when they dont like you back...
Olivia dear I love you, and Im so sorry. Its all my fault. Im going to skip class and come in there with you. And that teacher that was yelling at you ... Im going to bring a glass on monday and throw it at her fucking door.
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[13 Oct 2004|02:31pm] |
This week sucks ass.
So not fun.
I feel the erge to rebel.
And do something really bad.
Cuz Im so fucking bored.
Eww :gag: eww yuck .. Olivia .. ick thats so gross. I cant look at him without thinking about it and eww thats so gross!!!!!!
blah anyway so home life is okay.. exsept it sux sitting here by myself all the time.
I want ungrounded.
I think I like Matt again.
Whatever thats over.
I cried about it enough this week.
I miss Jesse.
I need to go to the mall.
Ugh...
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| Take my hand.. Take my life |
[08 Oct 2004|10:53am] |
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mood |
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lonely |
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music |
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The Used_Take it away |
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Nothing seems to be worth it anymore.
And I have absolutley no one.
If Mindy dosent let me out tonight I'll cry.
Because Nick is supposed to be going to the party.
I fucking hate her.
Have to go babysit .. since thats all I ever do.
I think thats the reason why she wanted me back.
So she didnt have to pay a sitter.
I've been sick off my ass for the past 3 days and she didnt give a shit.
While I was lying on the bathroom floor... she did nothing but yell at me and tell me to get up and get ready for school.
It's just not worth this.. its not.
Never.Will.Be.
Wanna make it stop.
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